Emma Thomson of The Empowered Mums Alliance has been teaching and inspiring women for many years. Her passion for women's mental & physical health has lead her to create programs specifically for Mothers and below, as our first guest blogger, she shares her own journey with motherhood and what it takes to reconnect to our femininity, which can so often become lost in the midst of motherhood.
Over to you Em.
I was young when I gave birth to my first son. Young and naive. Really naive.
Looking back now, I think in many ways my naivety was a blessing. I didn’t get the opportunity to read the books and do the research, to fill myself will all the knowledge we feel we need in many ways to be equipped for motherhood. To be “ready.”
Three children and twelve years later, I now know there is no such thing as being “ready.” There’s also a HUGE difference between knowing a stack of information on raising babies, and then actually physically and emotionally doing the raising.
My first pregnancy was quite a blur to be honest, (more on that another time). There was no baby shower celebrated or no perfect Pinterest-worthy nursery to photograph. I mean social media barely existed back in those days. You could probably say that I was far from prepared for the best thing that ever happened to me to actually happen, but He did happen just the same.
Free from many worries about raising my first baby, (cue the naivety factor, um yes definitely an ignorance is bliss type scenario), there was one thing that I remember being extremely concerned about when it came to bringing my firstborn into the world…the state of my vagina!!!
Maybe this is the last thing on the minds of expectant first-time mothers (although I certainly beg to differ)! Perhaps for other mummas it is fear of labour pain, or anxiety around sticking to their birth plan, or you know, perhaps the dread that they won’t actually know what to do with a little human who will be completely dependent upon you from now until forever.
Yes, all these fears did definitely circulate in my mind in the lead up to giving birth, but nothing like my vagina fear. My main worry was most certainly for the vag.
I mean clearly, if women have been birthing naturally from the beginning of time, I knew that the thing could stretch accordingly, BUT the question was – would it ever fully retract?
Oh, dear lord I had so many nervous questions on the subject, and so many frightening mental images to match.
So, I decided to ask around. When in doubt – ask questions, right?!
I asked my doctor, my midwife and my mum. I was the first of all of my girlfriends to have a baby so unfortunately, they couldn’t help at all.
I had no clue at the time that I was broaching such a taboo topic. I felt as if I was asking vagina questions that had never been spoken of before?! This shit was clearly off limits, secret mummy business, to which one never breathes a word of apparently!?!
The response I got was always very sweet and very general. Kind of brushing over it. It went
something like this: “Oh darling you will be fine. Don’t even worry about it. Don’t give it a second thought. Your body is designed for birth, and once you have that gorgeous baby in your arms it will be the last thing on your mind to be concerned about.”
Never did I get the honest facts. Never did I get the nitty-gritty answer I was seeking. I was never told that it will swell like buggery. That it will definitely stretch a lot in order to push a small human out. And that it will forever be different. BUT it will retract, it will recover and it can even be better than it was before. On one condition…That you put some time, energy and effort into it. (Um ladies, when was the last time you thought about putting some time, energy and effort into your vagina??) …
As a new mother, we automatically put our own needs on the back burner. And for many of us, as our children grow, this never changes. Just like most women, I too have greatly struggled with the whole “me time” thing like the best of them.
A wise woman once said, “we teach what it is we need to learn the most,” so not long after my second son was born, I made it my mission to build a platform for my fellow mums to have access to the game-changing conversations, to be able to experience the ‘me time is the best medicine’ philosophy in the flesh, and to be empowered with the knowledge they seek to truly rebuild their own strength (be it core, pelvic floor, emotional, vaginal or otherwise) in a welcoming and nurturing environment. I am forever proud of The Empowered Mums Alliance.
It blows my mind and saddens me greatly to learn recently that 75% of women (after having
children) report never being able to fully let go in the bedroom due to serious amounts of body dissatisfaction and vagina shame.
A dysfunctional sex life is reported to be a major contributor to unhappy and unhealthy
relationships, which in turn can throw your mental and physical health way out of whack.
I know firsthand how this feels, so rather than stress about it, I’ve decided it’s time we get together and do something about it! Which really is how I roll, and how I believe we should all roll.
Let’s face it, motherhood is better when its shared. It really does take a village.
My 15 seat only upcoming women’s empowerment event will cover:
-Body after baby – Pelvic Floor Exercise and how you can rebuild your strength and confidence and finally feel connected and comfortable in your own skin.
-Getting to know the Divine Feminine Power that is all yours for the taking – and how “she” bubbles over into all areas of your life.
-The shame that unravels us, and how we can finally be free and love like we were born to love. Ourselves and each other.
This intimate night of nights at the beautiful Longworth House will be incredible and if you feel called to join me, please do so. Girlfriend I can assure you, you will not be disappointed!
Drinks, dinner, dessert, a goodie bag and one epic time are all included in your ticket price.
To book your spot visit: www.bit.ly/femininepowerwithem
And of course, as always…Yours in keeping it real for the ladies,